XP: Where Windows and Christ intersect, or why I hate technical support

For those of you of a more technical bent who get drafted into tech support, here is another amusing moment for you. For those of you who aren't so technical, I shall explain the head-to-desk aspect of this story by explaining it again in more common terms.

Behold, Mate O' Mine (which abbreviates to MOM and thus has an Oedipan aspect that is vaguely disturbing) is trying to get her corporate laptop to work on my WLAN so she can try telecommuting for the first time. Said laptop is a rather old Dell burdened with XP Professional and an Intel WLAN card. I figure this can't be hard, right? So I tell her the WLAN's name and password and figure that's that.

But no, Bill G never made anything easy that he could have made mind-bendingly difficult. After all, XP also means Chi Rho, a symbol for Jesus Christ, which fits because I always call His name a lot when using it. Anyway, naturally XP (the system, not the Redeemer) promptly began to opaquely and obstinately insist it couldn't use my wireless network. I finally realized that it hadn't asked her for the network password like any reasonable human being would expect (then again Microsoft engineers are not normally known for being both reasonable and human beings simultaneously, hence they write it to suit other such creatures). Instead, it asked for the wireless router's number from the back of the router itself, not the password. So I grumbled, went to the router and read it off to her, figuring that that should settle it. Happily, the little WLAN icon in the taskbar lit up green. Problem solved.

But no, she then called to me to say that Internet Exploder insisted the computer was not in fact online. I checked the WLAN from my Macbook Pro, worked fine. Checked to see if the Macbook could see the Dell XP laptop. No problem. Checked to see if the Dell could see the router. Yup, no problem. Obviously a problem with the Dell's network settings, probably DNS.

So I go digging, and quickly discover that the XP system is so locked down that I can only aimlessly poke around hoping Bill G will give me a little hint, but nay, 'tis not for mere mortals without admin access. I try everything I can think of, but the little bugger won't load a website outside the WLAN – it would load pages from my router's web server and from the Macbook, but as soon as it had to venture out into the big bad Internet, it would quail in fear and poot little bits of data into its pants while refusing to say (or unable to say out of sheer terror) just WTF the problem was.

Then the love of my life pipes up and says she maybe needs to activate the VPN they told her about.

And there was much heading-to-desking.

For you see, dear non-versed in the technical plane, this is equivalent to her calling to me to say the car doesn't work at all, so I go out to look at the engine (and find the hood welded shut), feel around with my fingers along the fuel line and exhaust and such, getting myself all worked up and frustrated and annoyed, and then she says from the cockpit that maybe she should turn this key thingy the car dealer gave her.

The next best thing to a Transporter: a 3D virtual world

Going back to the topic of computer graphics, here is a video on YouTube that is even more mind-boggling, both in terms of the sheer genius behind it and in terms of the applications.

The remote collaboration example is particularly eerie. But for someone whose kids, sadly, have pretty much only had contact with Grandma and Grandpa through telephone and Skype, it raises hopes that maybe more is possible while remaining thousands of miles apart. A Star Trek-like transporter is still ages away, but this would do for now...

(Hat tip to Lael Tucker for the link.)

Computer graphics: You've come a long way, baby

This is a truly stunning video, the opening credits of the Spanish movie Eva.

Eva / Film Main Titles from Dvein on Vimeo.

When I think back to the mid-1980s, when I was so awestruck by the IMAX movie The Magic Egg, or a bit later The Lawnmower Man, it just makes this all the more incredible to see how far computer-generated graphics have come. Now if only they could finally get people's faces and body motion to look more realistic. Something about the eyes is just still...wrong...

Steve Jobs: In permanent sleep mode

I am saddened by the news that Steve Jobs has died. I'm an old Machead, having first used a Mac all the way back in the very beginning in 1984, and before that Apple II computers. I will never forget the classic Super Bowl ad, either.

(Unfortunately my favorite team, the Redskins, got trounced in that Super Bowl, which I also remember.)

It is practically a cliché and more than a little trite to say how Steve Jobs changed the world of computing. But it's true: Before Steve Jobs and his partner Steve Wozniak, personal computers were a tiny niche market, only for geeks and very specialized users. At that time, when people heard the word "computer", they thought of big hulking machines that took up entire rooms, and which were only used for things like databases, and could only be operated after extensive and arcane training. Like this:

The notion that personal computers would not only be ubiquitous, but also so small as to be carried in a pocket like the iPhone and powerful enough to record and play video or even 3D graphics -- in 1984 all of that was unimaginable.

I distinctly remember visiting Control Data as a Boy Scout in 1984. Our Scoutmaster worked there, and he was using what Control Data claimed was state-of-the-art -- and it was operated entirely by punchcards. No monitor. Just paper. Hanging chads were just as much a problem then as they were in Florida in 2000. Needless to say, Control Data is long gone.

While Apple didn't invent the concept of a graphic user interface -- much of Apple's GUI was inspired by Xerox's research in the subject -- it is thanks to Apple and particularly Steve Jobs whom we have to thank for being able to take a graphic interface for granted (i.e. point and click pictures on a screen). It was revolutionary at the time, and many believed it couldn't be done while still being affordable for the masses and easy enough for them to use. True, the Mac was pretty expensive at the time, but it was within reach, and was enough to completely change the computer market almost overnight.

Fast forward to the mid-90s, when Jobs returned to Apple, and the iMac -- remember the brightly-colored egg-shaped ones? -- was widely mocked and had many scratching their heads, but it too turned out to be a breakthrough. Jobs' vision once again outpaced the industry. And again with the iPhone, and again with the iPad.

Jobs had a dark side, of course. Legend has it that anyone who happened to be in the elevator with Steve and couldn't explain to him in that time what exactly their job was would be summarily fired. He drove his workers to extremes in the pursuit of his ideas. He never really did give Steve Wozniak the credit he was due. And so on. But then again, visionary people like Jobs tend to be difficult precisely because they...well, think different from the rest of us.

Now the big question is, can Apple continue at the pace Jobs set since his return? Hard to say. The talent is still there, of course, but his unique leadership style and ability to motivate employees, the press and above all customers (who drooled at every Macworld expo in expectation) will be sorely missed. Apple now lacks a consummate salesman like Jobs, who for years was ruefully described as having his own "reality distortion field", where he made the ridiculous and preposterous sound like a good idea.

I can't help but wonder what else he had up his sleeve when he died. Sadly, this time there won't be one of his infamous "oh, one more thing..." interjections to find out.

Though Jobs was Buddhist, I still offer this prayer for him:

Though we are dust and ashes,
God has prepared for those who love him a heavenly dwelling place.
We commended Steve into the hands of almighty God.
We commit his remains to the earth,
as we entrust ourselves and all who love God to his loving care.
(Adapted from Common Worship)

You turn us back to dust and say: *
'Turn back, O children of earth.

'For a thousand years in your sight are but as yesterday, *
which passes like a watch in the night.'
(Psalm 90:3-4)

Requiescat in pacem.